Job dissatisfaction..

Job dissatisfaction has finally started to creep in - the fact that it took 10 months to do that, is a wonder.

Business research is highly dissatisfying. You're never doing your own thing. And rightly so, since you do not have the expertise to do it anyway. It doesn't help even if you do it for years together. What functional expertise do you develop? - nothing seemingly tangible. Your domain expertise is useless. Because what do you know? - a highly superficial account of what has been happening, and what others say will happen. Research is a highly misleading term in business research. After a while you start craving for some real understanding of what you are dealing with.

Therefore, there is an urge to go back to the academia, and start from first principles. But with the given track record, I have my own reservations on how long I will survive in a technically inclined setup. Moreover, will that experience make me come back to the same place - would I not want to do something more worthwhile after that? Which brings me to the question - do I actually wish to do what I am doing, in the long run? If not, what do I wish to do? I think I wish to be extremely knowledgable about something and do work - any work - related to that. If it has to do with the larger picture, then great. Yes, I think that would be a fair description of what I would like to do.

There is another thing I dislike a lot. The problem of people doing perception management rather than actual work. The focus is so much more in doing well in the short run, that learning is being sidelined completely. All around I witness people just managing the 10 parameters to get a better rating, to leave a better impression. The system of meritocracy seems to be more of a pretence now. Moreover, so early in one's career, there is an equal focus on people management. I really would like to just not deal with that for some time in my career.

I don't know where this is going, but I think you get the idea. Perhaps the stuff I have written here are just the feelings for a short while, and may not last for long, and my views may turn topsy turvy very soon. I hope that happens. I hope I reach the topsy turvy island soon.

~ Ankur.